Sometimes

I often wonder why I am here on Earth. Is it to help people? Is it to always be here just to be here. Is it to teach other people what not to do in a situation or what to do in a situation. Well this last couple of days I have been questioning that a lot. I feel ugly and useless. I cant figure out why I am here and nothing seems to be working out for me right now. It feels like everything I do and say it wrong. I have lost so many things in the last year that I want back but no longer can have. I have been through my ups and my downs and I think I am about to hit an all time low. I try to be happy but memories of things that have happened come flooding back to me and I cant seem to forget them. I cry a lot now and I cant stop the tears although I really want to stop them they just come anyway. I miss my friend that has recently taken her own life I think about it regularly of how easy it is just to write a letter to tell your loved ones goodbye but she doesnt understand the pain I feel now. I dont know what to do anymore or even what to say. One thing for sure though is I am greatful to have the true church in my life. It's the only thing that keeps me going at times like this. People tell me the lord doesnt give you anything you cant handle and sometimes I dought that but I get reminded of that with the simplest little things. Like the spirit I felt when I said that prayer with my friends mom after her daughter had passed away I have never felt the spirit that strongly. In the end I know my heavenly father loves me and only gives me what I can handle even though I dont think I am strong enough to pull through he knows I am. I am really greatful for that.